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Today I went to a friend's birthday part ( won't mention names. lol), and it was loads of fun. lots of screaming, yelling, throwing stuff, gaaammmeesss, food and cake.

The idiot called me at 11:19 AM and said "I'm almost at your house." WTF. LOL. I had to rush out of bed and get my sister to help me find an acceptable gift and whatnot.

I failed epically at video games. I rarely play, though. But I PWN'd at Uno and lucked out in monopoly.

And then I failed epically at Chinese Poker. Sad thing is, I had good cards.

In all honesty, today really made me feel relaxed.






I just can't help it. I'm not giving up life or anything, because I honestly think that I'm tons more fortunate than many children out there. But the things that I've been holding for years are still building up. Frustration, helplessness, guilt, and everything else.

Of course, there were loads of fun times. But at the end of the day, everything still haunts me.

It's not like I'm going to be the stereotypical "emo" child and hide in a corner. I won't hide, I won't run, I'll face whatever it is that I have to face. And I'll enjoy all that life has to offer. Well, if life doesn't offer anything, I'll make things happen.

I'm anticipating Buddha Camp, so I can throw everything away and relax in the temple.

And then I'm waiting to go back to China and just focus on drawing and studying.

My mind is a mess. I can't think anymore. I don't want to think anymore. Maybe that's why I don't think about anything when I play cards. Haha, or maybe I'm just bad at it.

I don't want to wake up, but I don't want to sleep either. What's this mess? If I draw/paint it out, maybe I'll see how to untangle this mess. So just let me sink and stay in place for a while.

I wanted to tell my mom what my "dreams" for the future are, but as usual, she didn't listen to me.

I asked my grandfather, "You want to know why I haven't gone to school for 3 days?" I wanted to tell him that I'm upset and that I miss spending time with him, like when I was younger. But he told me, "No, I don't need to hear it."

また僕は自分だけと会話した。それとも、誰かと会話した？希望の名前を呼んだ。でも誰も僕の叫びに答えてくれなかった。
(it's japanese. Yea, I used to study Japanese on my own, Although I should really study Spanish, since I'm taking AP Spanish next term. LOL FML. ><" )

Depressing as it sounds, I felt that way.





LOL. still gotta finish this drawing.


Although I want to finish this drawing (all the details are rather nice, no? xD ), there is something about it that makes me hesitate.

After this, I will be drawing another person. This person is someone whom I've thought was my best friend. It was one-sided, and sadly, from my side.

All my blind admiration, false reliance, and ignorance will hopefully end with the finishing marker strokes.